Does My Race, Culture or Religion Matter When Booking an Escort?

Having spent the better part of a decade working as an escort in beautifully multi-cultural Melbourne, I’ve had clients from many different racial and cultural backgrounds ask me some version of the same question.

Is my race, colour or cultural background going to be a problem?

Sometimes the question is direct. Sometimes it arrives disguised as a joke, an apology or an attempt to reassure me that they are “not like other men” from their culture.

It’s a bit of a gut punch every time I hear it.

I have heard many upsetting stories from Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Chinese, Vietnamese, Iranian, Iraqi, Middle Eastern and many other clients about the racism, suspicion, ridicule and exclusion they have experienced in Australia, both generally and specifically while trying to navigate booking a sex worker or escort. Some were born here. Others moved here later in life. Their stories are all different, but a common thread is the feeling of being judged before they have even had the chance to be known.

As someone who is very, very white, I cannot fully understand what it is like to move through the world carrying that expectation of judgement. I make an effort to learn, but I’ve barely scratched the surface of how people from other backgrounds experience Australia. One of the things that has struck me is how invisible racism can be to those of us who aren’t experiencing it ourselves. It’s not talked about anywhere near as much as it should be, and I think that invisibility is part of what allows it to persist. I do not want to minimise those experiences, and I cannot promise that every escort will be a safe or welcoming person for every client.

I can only tell you how I work, while also acknowledging that the people I choose to work alongside share these same values on this issue.

The colour of your skin, your ethnicity, your cultural background or your religious background does not come into consideration when I am deciding if I will see you or not. I do not need to know these things about you in advance.

I do not assume that your race tells me what kind of person you are. I do not assume that your culture tells me how you will behave. I do not assume that your religion tells me what you believe, how you live or how you will treat me.

When I receive an enquiry, I am looking at the way that individual person approaches me.

• Are they respectful?
• Do they accept my boundaries?
• Do I feel safe speaking with them?
• Are they treating me like another human being?

That is what matters to me, and I am quick to shut down a conversation if I get bad vibes. It’s all about the vibes.

English fluency is not part of that test either. I am happy to see clients who speak limited English, and I am perfectly comfortable using a translation app when we need one. Someone can speak flawless English and still be disrespectful. Someone can struggle to find the words and still communicate warmth, patience and care.

Language barriers are workable. Disrespect is not.

One of my favourite parts of this work is meeting people whose lives have been different from my own. I love hearing about the places people have lived, the languages they speak, the traditions they grew up with, the family dynamics that shaped them and, for those who have chosen Australia as home, the journeys that brought them here. Whether someone was born in Melbourne or Mumbai, Geelong or Guangzhou, curiosity is one of the reasons I love this work.

Some of my sweetest, loveliest and most memorable clients have been men who arrived worried that I might judge them because of where they came from.

If you’re kind, respectful and we both feel comfortable, then the same possibilities are open to you as they are to anyone else. Whether you’re looking for a playful sexy liaison, a relaxed dinner date, an overnight, travel companionship, a cute weekend away, or simply a chance to connect with another human being, your background is not the thing that decides that.

The same applies if you’re interested in sex education or exploring something new. Many people, particularly those who grew up in more conservative households or cultures, tell me they feel like they missed out on learning about sex, relationships or their own bodies. Helping people explore those things without judgement is one of my favourite parts of this work.

And if your curiosity leans more towards BDSM, pegging, cross-dressing or other kinks, those conversations are just as welcome. I don’t gatekeep experiences based on where someone comes from. I decide whether we are a good fit based on the person sitting in front of me.

We don’t have to discuss politics, religion, war, race or anything else that feels heavy. My aim is to create a space where you can put down your worries for a while and enjoy being present with another person. You are allowed to come in, exhale and simply have a lovely time.

Of course, sometimes what a person needs is the solace of a listening ear. That is welcome too. You can talk to me about racism, loneliness, family, migration, faith, identity or anything else that has been weighing on you, if you decide that is how you want to spend your time.

You don’t need to perform happiness for me. But you also do not owe me an explanation of your culture, your politics or your pain. You get to decide what kind of space you need.

I cannot promise that nobody will ever judge you unfairly again. What I can promise is that when you contact me, I will respond to the person in front of me, not to a stereotype attached to their skin, their name, their accent, their birthplace or their religion.

What matters to me is not where you come from.

It is how we treat one another.