The Secret to Great Sex
A lot goes into creating a delicious sexual experience. Lovers will concern themselves with technique, timing, performance, chemistry, whether they’re doing enough, whether they’re doing too much. They can get stuck in their heads trying to create the perfect moment. But the real magic comes from something far simpler.
That magic ingredient, the thing that is going to send you and your partner to new heights of pleasure and ecstasy… it’s communication.
Good communication isn’t just about talking. It’s about clarity. It’s about being honest about what you’re offering and what you’re seeking. Sometimes you want to give. Sometimes you want to receive. Sometimes you want to lead the experience. Sometimes you want to surrender into it. Sometimes you want to explore something playful or silly or downright bizarre. Sometimes you want to know exactly what your partner wants you to do to them.
This isn’t complicated, but it can be scary. It requires presence, honesty and courage. And sometimes, a space where you can figure out what you actually want without the pressure to perform.
That’s where working with a sexworker who knows how to hold space for this level of clarity becomes transformative.
Not just someone who goes through the motions, but someone who knows how to create the framework for this level of communication. Someone who sees the layers underneath your request, the hesitation, the hunger, the curiosity. Someone who can help you practise saying the words out loud, and help you notice the difference between what you think you should want and what you actually want.
A lot of people who come to see me don’t need wild sex. They need clarity. They need permission. They need the experience of naming what they want and having it met with, “Yes, I can do that,” or, “No, but here’s what I can do instead.” They need a space where there’s no guesswork as to their partner’s mindset or motives. They need to learn what it feels like to be genuinely considered and seen.
Others come to me because they want the experience of being with someone who can and does communicate willingly, unabashedly. People who love to please and want to improve their skills, but are used to partners that give them little to no guidance.
I love exploring the different flavours of giving and receiving with people. With presence, conversation, and an agreement that honesty is hotter than silence. You’d be amazed how transformative it is when someone finally gets to experience being fully held in the dynamic they’ve been craving but never knew how to ask for.
Maybe you want to lead and be in charge of the experience.
But it’s scary leading when you’re not sure that your partner is being clear and open with their limits. So, you find yourself holding back, cautious, not trusting that their Yes is actually a Yes, not trusting that they will comfortably and openly give you a No. You worry about taking too much, to the point where you stop being present with your experience and your own pleasure and change the tone to be in line with something you *think* they might like.
Maybe you want the opposite.
You want to sink into something, be touched, explored, without lifting a finger. You want to feel desired, wanted, devoured, worshipped or to give yourself over as a gift for someone to use as they see fit. But you don’t fully relax because you’re worried, you’re not what your partner wants, or you’ve only experienced passive partners in the past.
Maybe you want to give, intensely and intentionally.
You love to serve, and just want a clear blueprint on what your partner genuinely wants, so they can have exactly that, nothing more, nothing less. But no one ever really tells you what they want, either because they don’t know, or because they don’t have the skills to communicate it.
Maybe you want to experiment with receiving more fully than you ever have, without worrying about reciprocity.
But you feel selfish, or ashamed of the types of touch you want to receive, or you haven’t truly received in so long that you’ve forgotten how to even figure out what you want if you were given the chance to indulge.
If you’ve never had sex where communication was the main ingredient, you’re missing out on what intimacy can actually be.
If you want a space to learn how to do this, or to practise it, or to experience the kind of clarity that makes everything feel more honest and more delicious, I’m right here. I love this work. I love guiding people to find their voice, find their authentic desires and their authentic limits.
This is another big secret that big sex doesn’t want you to know – being able to recognise and voice your limits actually makes you a more generous lover, because you feel safer to give more, within your limits. It also helps point you in the direction of your desires. Having limits is sexy – it makes you a better lover and a better communicator.
I get why it’s hard to speak your wants or limits. It feels exposing, vulnerable. It feels risky. It feels like if you say the wrong thing, you’ll be judged, rejected, or labelled needy, selfish, weird or even disgusting. It feels like you might ruin the vibe. It feels like you might get a reaction you’ve already had from someone else in your past, and you don’t want to relive that.
And honestly, we’ve all collected so much baggage along the way. Little moments where we swallowed our needs. Times we asked for something and were laughed at. Times we were told we were too much, or not enough. Times we had to guess instead of ask because asking didn’t feel safe. Every one of those experiences piles up, shaping the way we communicate now. They blur our wants, dull our instincts, and convince us to stay quiet even when our bodies are screaming for something different. None of that is a personal flaw. It’s just history. And history can be rewritten with the right container.
Come talk to me.
Then let’s see what your body is actually hungry for.
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I have a series of session types below for those feeling the pull towards a certain flavour, or we can delve into all facets together as part of any of my GFE and PSE sessions. This is one of my biggest special interests and I would love to talk to you all about it – or we can just dive right in and try it all out in bed!
Ember’s Choice – a session where I take what I want, communicate my needs, sometimes using you as I see fit and enjoying your body, other times making clear requests of service. For those that love to please, or want to learn about what I like and experience a communicative partner.
Ember’s Choice: Director’s Cut – taking communication to the next level, you’re in a service role where I lay back and tell you exactly what I want you to do to me in implicit, debaucherous detail.
Director’s Cut Uno Reverse – Once you’ve experienced being in service to me, it’s your turn, and I’m a judgement free zone, waiting to do exactly as you ask, within my limits. The reason I make you serve first is so that I can ease you into this new level of communication before you’re made to do it yourself.
Worship Sessions – If you’d love to explore my body for your own pleasure, while I surrender to your touch and to your whims, this is the sensory experience for you. I clearly communicate my limits throughout, so you don’t have to worry that I might be uncomfortable or unwilling. You get to let go and fully experience my warmth and softness, be as weird as you want with it, we’re consenting adults and it’s a non-judgemental zone.
