Find Your Authentic Desires

Why Ember’s Choice Works so Well

My most popular offering by a long mile is Ember’s Choice, a session where my pleasure is the driver and I call all the shots. People love it when I’m in the lead and being honest and direct about my desires. It’s very hot when someone has the confidence and clarity to ask for what they want. It’s sexy to see someone lost in their own pleasure and also to know that your presence has made that delicious moment possible.

But more often than not, people let me choose because they enjoy not having to be the one making the decisions.

It removes the pressure of choice, the fear of getting it wrong, and the awkwardness of trying to articulate desire while already nervous. You get to arrive, follow, and be met with clarity instead of uncertainty.

I am vulnerable, so that you don’t have to be. It’s a fabulous workaround that I have found has made intimacy far more accessible for anxious folks. It brings me so much joy to offer this, and I have no plans to stop any time soon.

But I also recognise this is one of those “teach a man to fish” moments.

My ability to check in with my authentic wants, and to communicate them clearly, is not an inherent personality trait. It’s a learned skill, and it’s something I can teach you.

Most people are not short on desire. They are short on permission, clarity, and practice.

This work is not about sex. It’s about becoming a fuller version of yourself and getting more of what you want across all areas of your life. Sex is simply one place where these skills become very visible.

This offering is about slowing down enough to notice what you actually want, learning how to stay with that information in your body, and building the skills to communicate it clearly and cleanly to another human being. There is no performance, no mind-reading, and no pressure to want the “right” thing.

Embodied Choice Coaching

I offer ongoing coaching sessions involving embodiment practices and the framework of Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent to support you in reconnecting with your authentic wants and your authentic limits.

This work may be a good fit if you often:

• second-guess yourself
• default to people-pleasing
• struggle to recognise or name what you want in the moment
• have difficulty advocating for your boundaries
• feel clear internally but lose your words when it matters

Sometimes the work is subtle and quiet. Sometimes it is deeply confronting. Often it is surprisingly relieving, hopeful, and genuinely life-changing.

This is not therapy, and it is not about fixing you. It is about skill-building. Learning how to connect with yourself, and how to communicate clearly with others.

You do not need to be confident to begin. Confidence is often the result of this work, not the prerequisite.

Sessions can be one-on-one, and you are welcome to bring a friend or partner if you would like to explore this work together.  It is great to have a buddy for this work, but I’m also happy to be your buddy throughout the coaching if it’s just us.

If you have been saying “I don’t know what I want” for years, or “I know what I want but I can’t say it”, this is an invitation to change that gently, practically, and at your own pace.

How This Sits Alongside My Other Offerings

This work is foundational rather than indulgent.

Unlike my companionship or erotic sessions, the primary focus here is not pleasure, fantasy, or being taken care of. The focus is building internal clarity and relational skill. We work on strengthening agency and communication before those capacities are tested in higher-charge or more intimate contexts.

That said, these offerings are not separate worlds.

Many people find that this work significantly improves their experience of my other services, as well as their relationships more broadly. When you can sense what you want, name it, and negotiate it cleanly, everything becomes more satisfying, more relaxed, and more alive.

This service:

• supports and informs erotic and relational experiences
• can stand alone as personal development and skill-building
• may include embodied exercises, but is not inherently sexual
• does not involve performance, servicing, or pleasing me

If you are here primarily for erotic connection, this work can deepen that path.
If intimacy feels confusing, charged, or overwhelming, this work gives you tools before asking more of your nervous system.

Think of it as learning the language of consent, desire, and self-trust, and building a foundation so that when you enter intimate spaces, you are not guessing, bracing, or overriding yourself.

What Does a Coaching Session Involve?

Embodied Choice Coaching is offered in two-hour sessions, with space in each session to learn, practise, and integrate.

Sessions include a mix of explanation, guided practice, and experiential exercises so that these skills are felt and embodied, not just discussed.

Sessions may include:

• clear explanations of how desire and boundaries operate in real interactions
• guidance to help you notice what you want and what you do not want, moment by moment
• simple exercises to help you move out of your head and into direct experience
• practical examples of how to ask for what you want and how to say no
• non-sexual, fully clothed touch and talk-based exercises to practise skills in real time
• exploration of interaction roles including giving, receiving, doing, and being done-to, with attention to how responsibility and choice operate in each
• ongoing feedback to support clearer language and greater self-trust
• a steady, responsive pace with the option to pause, slow down, or stop at any time
• optional discussion about how these skills can be applied to intimacy and sex

I recommend a minimum of six sessions for meaningful integration. Every session is tailored to you, your history, and your existing skills. I do not follow a fixed curriculum. We build the work together based on what will be most useful for you.

Investment

Embodied Choice Coaching is offered in two-hour sessions. This length allows time to settle, learn, practise, and integrate without rushing.

Sessions take place in a calm, attentive environment and include guided conversation, teaching, and embodied practice.

For those who wish to immerse themselves more deeply, multiple sessions can be booked in a single day. Up to three sessions per day are available, with a required 30-minute break between sessions to support integration.

Session options

• Single session (2 hours): $450
• Six-session commitment: $2,500 ($200 discount)
  (recommended for continuity, depth, and skill consolidation)

The six-session option is ideal if you want momentum and space to practise these skills over time.

How to avoid blurring lines

This is a unique offering that is separate to my usual fare. As such, pricing is structured differently. If you would like to incorporate coaching work with my other services, I am happy to arrange this, but once we include intimate touch or nudity, my standard full-service rates apply. My recommendation is to experience a few coaching sessions first, then incorporate the learnings into our bedroom adventures.

Any sexual advances or inappropriate language or actions during a coaching session will result in immediate termination of the session without refund. This is a learning environment.

WHAT IS THE WHEEL OF CONSENT?

Some of my coaching is influenced and inspired by the Wheel of Consent® as developed by Dr. Betty Martin. I have trained with the School of Consent, but I am not a certified facilitator. For more information visit www.schoolofconsent.org.

The Wheel of Consent is an easy-to-understand framework for relating that brings greater clarity and authenticity to our relationships in all areas of life. Its principles can be learned through a simple, clothed touch practice. The Wheel really gets at the heart of consent by helping us slow down and notice what we actually want and where our boundaries are. It also provides a language for communicating these clearly with others.

What is Embodiment?

Embodiment means paying attention to what is happening in your body, not just what you think about it.

It’s the practice of placing your awareness in your body and noticing physical signals like ease, tension, excitement, hesitation, or shutdown, and using that information to guide your choices and communication.

Embodiment work helps you slow down, recognise what feels like a yes or a no in real time, and respond to what is actually happening rather than what you think should be happening.

It’s a practical skill, not a spiritual one, and it supports clearer decisions, stronger boundaries, and more honest connection.