Oral Sex isn’t Good Foreplay

There is a specific formula that some men tend to want to roll out when engaging in intimacy. We kiss briefly, they go down on me for a bit, then we get to “the main part”, the penetrative sex. Some are very eager to get it in as soon as they can, others want to draw out the oral, either for their enjoyment or mine, but the formula stays the same.

There is a problem here, for me. You’re doing oral sex to put me in the mood for penetration. But what did you do to put me in the mood for oral sex?

It’s not really about moods at all, its about arousal. Being physically aroused is what makes touch feel sexy and delicious.

Without arousal, oral sex can feel neutral, or perhaps relaxing and nice like a massage, or even uncomfortable and painful.

Without arousal, penetration feels a bit like a medical procedure, again either neutral or painful depending on what you are doing.

What Arousal Actually Is (For Me)

When I say I need to be aroused, I’m talking about a quantifiable physiological response happening in my body.

Arousal is blood flow. It’s my erectile tissue filling and becoming engorged, just like a penis does.

My clitoris isn’t just the small external part you can see. It’s a much larger internal structure, and when I’m turned on, that whole network fills with blood and becomes more sensitive.

I get erections too. I get hard. Internally and externally. For me, the harder I get, the better everything feels. This allows me not just to move away from that ‘medical procedure’ feeling, but to have stronger full-body face-melting orgasms versus a small tension release.

What I’m aiming for is that full, engorged, responsive state. When my clitoris is fully activated, both inside and out, oral sex feels spectacular, and penetration is mind-blowing. You want that for me too, don’t you?

Wetness Isn’t the Same as Arousal

This is something people often misunderstand.

Sometimes I’ll be very wet when I’m aroused, or after orgasm. Sometimes I won’t.

My natural lubrication can change depending on hormones, where I am in my cycle, stress, medication, even diet. So it’s not a reliable indicator of how turned on I am.

That said, lubrication still matters.

If I’m not naturally wet, we can just add some. I always make sure I have lube with me so things stay comfortable and smooth.

But lube only makes penetration possible. It doesn’t make it pleasurable.

That part comes from arousal. From my body and mind actually being engaged.

My Arousal Starts Before We Even Meet

The mind is the biggest shareholder in arousal.

One of the biggest influences on how turned on I feel is how I feel before we’re even in the same room. The way you speak to me matters.

If I feel relaxed, respected, and at ease, my body is already in a very different place by the time we get together.

If something feels off, if I feel like I need to be on guard, if I’m having to manage the interaction… that doesn’t just stay in my head.

My body responds to it.

And when I’m on edge, arousal becomes much harder, or even impossible to access.

I Need to Feel Safe to Really Let Go

For me, arousal is closely tied to feeling safe and unstressed.

When I feel comfortable, I soften. I can relax into the moment. That’s when I start to open up.

If I feel tense or uncertain, my nervous system stays alert instead of receptive.

So the way you show up matters more than you might think. When I feel at ease with you, I can actually let myself get carried away.

THE FOREPLAY THAT WILL ACTUALLY TURN ME ON

I know you came here looking for some practical advice, so here’s what my body really needs, to get all engines firing.

Long, unhurried makeout sessions with plenty of teasing tongue. That lingering, building energy. Hands that explore instead of rushing. Soft wandering touches that gradually become more intentional.

Kisses on my neck, a feeling of being explored and savoured, taking time to enjoy the warmth of our bodies pressed together.

Nipple play, teasing, that sense of anticipation… that’s what gets my body involved.

But don’t touch my pussy. Avoid the pussy at all costs. Touch me everywhere else. Graze your fingertips and lips softly around my inner thighs, my belly, grab my arse a little, but make my pussy feel like it’s being left out. The key to a desperately aching, engorged pussy is to leave it alone, let the anticipation build until I can’t bear it anymore. And then, just give me a little bit of gentle touch there before heading away again. You get me to this state of yearning and then just feeling your warm breath nearby will be enough for ripples of pleasure to sweep over my entire body. That’s where you want me, before your tongue ever comes in contact with my pussy.

If you enjoy giving pleasure, this is the part where you get to shine. When someone takes their time with me, they can turn me into a mindless puddle of erotic, electric impulses, a complete slave to my senses. I think that is worth taking the time.

You get me to that space, your mouth and your dick is going to absolutely blow my mind, and technique won’t really even be a factor.

I haven’t even mentioned dryhumping and grinding yet. That’s a whole other subject that needs its own space, so click here to read more about that.

CLITORIS ANATOMY (SCIENCE IS SEXY)

Men and women are more alike than some people realise. Earlier in this piece I talked about erectile tissue. See below diagram of a clitoris, and how it compares to a penis.

When you do finally give my pussy a little attention, don’t go straight for the glans. Just like you might enjoy having your balls touched or having your shafted stroked, my whole pussy wants attention.

The glans is the part of the clitoris that people traditionally think of as being the entire clitoris – that pea-sized bit under the hood, that is externally visible on some vulvas. The glans of a clitoris is just the tip – it is analogous to the head of a penis. The glans is very sensitive and some vulva-owners do not enjoy having it directly touched at all, it’s worth treating very delicately and communicating with your lover to find out what they like.

My glans is very large and visible – a great starter clit for people who are worried about “finding it”. But I prefer having it stimulated from the top through the hood (that’s like my foreskin) as it is very sensitive and can be painful to have directly stimulated. The closer I get to orgasm, the more pleasurable direct stimulation can feel, so I might request your tongue right there on it, with firmer pressure, as I get close. But otherwise, a very gentle touch with a wide flat tongue is preferable, and a side-to-side action versus up-and-down is far more pleasurable for me. These are things you get to find out about your lover with a little extra communication!

Then there are the bulbs. This part of the clitoris is effectively hugging the entrance and walls of my vagina. When I am aroused, they get bigger and harder, and then penetration becomes very delicious for me, as you’re directly stimulating my clitoris in a totally different way. But what I also love is being stroked and massaged around the entrance of my vagina, as you are stimulating my clitoral bulbs there. Not many people realise this is such a sensitive spot, but its actually easier for me to achieve orgasm from someone rubbing my bulbs than it is from someone rubbing the glans of my clitoris. I cannot effectively stimulate my own bulbs as my arms are a bit short so its a very nice treat for me when others do it for me.

I would also love, love, love taking my own sweet time when riding, lingering with the head of your cock just inside my pussy. If you’ve experienced me doing this – I was not doing a sexy little tease to build your anticipation, I was enjoying my bulbs. I will cum if I keep going. Sometimes I don’t want to cum straight away though, I want to continue building to something bigger and more explosive.

AROUSAL FROM AN IDEA

My arousal isn’t just possible via physical stimulation.

I also get turned on by ideas, by dynamics, by that sense of tension and anticipation.

I love novelty and variety, and get to experience a lot of delicious variety with my PSE and BDSM sessions, which engage me mentally as well as physically. I love it when someone comes in with a whole new idea, something they want to explore, and you probably already know I’m a huge fan of pegging.

Even something like Ember’s Choice has a twist that genuinely turns me on. It’s a bit of a freeuse dynamic, the feeling that I can take what I want… that does something for me, it feels very erotic and I enjoy the power I have in those exchanges.

When my mind is engaged like that, my body can respond before I have been touched.

Want to experience real foreplay with me?

This piece has been all about what I want, but I want to assure you that I’m also very invested in you having a good time too. Good sex is a dance, but it’s not a performance.

Whether you’re interested in having a mutually pleasurable time with me, or if my pleasure IS your pleasure and you want to make it all about me, I would love to hear from you.

I want to be clear that when adequately primed, receiving oral sex is such a pleasure for me, it forms part of many of my sessions, and I talk more about it here on my DATY page.

You can check out my full menu of experiences here, and reach out via SMS or Whatsapp on 0435 349 800.

Let’s have some fun together.