Who are you Really?
My core values are authenticity, connection, creativity and joy.
What are yours? Have you thought about it recently?
If you don’t know what your values are, it’s very difficult to live in alignment with them in any sort of intentional way.
When you move through life making decisions, your instincts and gut feelings will sometimes pull you one way, while external pressures pull you another. Your heart might want one thing, your head another, and occasionally your other head will weigh in as well.
Having a clear idea of who you are, what matters to you, and what you want out of life makes those tricky decisions far easier to navigate.
When your actions align with your values, life tends to feel smoother and more satisfying. When you live outside of them, you can end up feeling conflicted, stressed, anxious, or quietly disconnected from yourself.
If you’d like to explore what is really important to you, I recommend following the same path I did. It’s a simple exercise that can have a surprisingly powerful impact on the way you move through life.
Finding Your Core Values
The general consensus among coaches and psychologists is that a values list is only useful if it’s short.
Five values is great. Three is even better.
But getting there can be tricky, so let’s break it down.
At the bottom of this page you’ll find a PDF with a list of 230 potential core values.
Take a look through the list and write down the first 20 words that resonate with you. The ones that feel like you.
Print it and highlight them if that’s easier.
And try not to take anyone else’s expectations into account here. This exercise isn’t about who you think you should be — it’s about who you actually are.
Okay, maybe this will take longer than 20 minutes depending on how out of touch you are with yourself. No judgement.
Round Two: Narrow the List
Now comes the hard part. Cross half of them off. Your goal is to reduce the list from 20 values down to 10.
Write those ten values somewhere you’ll see them every day.
Stick them on your fridge.
Put them on your bathroom mirror.
Save them in a note on your phone.
Read them once a day for a week. Set a reminder if you need to. (Was accountability on your list?)
The Survival Round
Okay. It’s a week later.
Out of those ten values, which ones are still calling to you? Which ones feel true?
And which ones now feel slightly disingenuous?
For example, I once thought efficiency was one of my core values. But the more I looked at that word, the more I realised that while I am efficient, it’s not actually a core part of who I am.
In fact, my efficiency is probably a trauma response rather than a guiding principle.
Useful? Sure. But a value? Not really.
So take a moment to check in with yourself again.
After sitting with these words for a week, you’ll likely have a clearer sense of which ones feel authentic.
Now cross off at least five more.
What you’re left with should be a short list of words that genuinely represent how you want to move through the world.
Three to six words is ideal.
These are your priorities. Your compass. Your whole vibe.
Living By Your Values
Once you know your core values, you can start checking in with them.
Are your daily choices aligned with them?
Where in your life are you living in harmony with your values — and where might you be drifting away from them?
Small adjustments can make a big difference.
It can also be incredibly helpful to share your values with the people closest to you.
If you’re deeply connected with someone, they should know what matters to you.
And if you’re dating, it’s worth looking for people whose values are compatible with your own.
Life becomes much easier when you’re building relationships with people who move through the world in a similar way.
What This Has To Do With Intimacy
Understanding your values doesn’t just help with life decisions.
It also changes the way you experience intimacy.
Many people move through sexual experiences in a reactive way. They try to guess what the other person wants. They perform what they think they should want. They go along with things that don’t actually feel aligned with them.
When you know yourself better, something shifts. You become more comfortable asking for what you want. You become more aware of what genuinely feels good in your body.
You start noticing the difference between something you’re doing because you feel obligated, and something you’re choosing because it brings you joy.
A lot of the work I do with lovers involves exploring those questions in a curious and playful way.
What do you actually want in this moment? What kind of touch feels exciting rather than obligatory?
Are you enjoying giving pleasure, receiving it, or simply sharing the moment together?
When people slow down and start asking themselves these questions honestly, intimacy becomes much more creative, connected, and satisfying.
These are the kinds of conversations that often unfold during my educational sessions or during longer bookings where there’s time to relax, experiment, and explore what genuinely feels good.
I also offer embodied coaching sessions, where we explore these ideas more intentionally. Instead of staying purely in theory, we slow down and pay attention to what your body and instincts are actually telling you in real time. For many people this is the first opportunity they’ve had to step outside of expectations and performance and simply notice what feels like a genuine yes, a maybe, or a no. Learning to recognise and trust those signals can make a huge difference not just in intimacy, but in how you move through relationships and life more broadly.
Why I’m Sharing My Values
So why am I telling you my values?
Because it’s one of the quickest ways to understand who someone really is.
When you know what someone values, you understand their priorities, their intentions, and the way they move through the world.
And if I can be open and vulnerable about who I really am, maybe the space I provide will feel just a little bit safer for you to do the same.
And if we can connect on that deeper level…
Babe, I’m just gonna cum more 😉